So many women and girls stay in bad relationships and marriages just because they have literally convinced themselves that being disrespected is better than being alone, that being depressed is better than being on their own, that being constantly abused is better off than being solo.

Abuse here covers domestic abuse, physical abuse and mental abuse. So many women and girls convince themselves that being subjected to emotional torture is better than being independent, they feel being neglected and constantly betrayed is better than being all by themselves. They do it to the extent of them willing to stay with someone who has consistently betrayed their trust and love and they mentally agree to subject themselves to being treated lesser than they actually are.

My dear, it does not work that way, you have to stand up to whatever you want and also stand against that which you loath. You have to be able to speak out so that you can be heard; there is nothing gracious in being abused, there is nothing as satisfying as being in a healthy relationship. Oh! Are you bothered about what people would say? You do not want them to constantly count the men you have been going out with? Oh mine! You should definitely not be bothered about that; what you should worry about is your mental peace, your wellbeing and your happiness. See darling, the moment you stop getting bothered about what others would say about your way of life and your choices, that is the day you gain freedom from mental slavery. Right now, all you should invest in are things that are fruitful, things that would bring smiles to your face and put joy in your heart.

I actually know that so many women stay in their already failed marriages just because they sometimes get the constant cloud of rejection mixed with the occasional rays of hope and sunshine. They get these mixed signals and they usually feel a need to stay in their marriages and endure the abuse. Woman! Speak up! Get help from anybody if he is abusing you domestically.  You should not keep enduring the slaps and blows on your face just because you still want to be called a married woman.  It is high time we all learnt that marriage is not and can never be an achievement.  We realize that so many women even cover up for their husbands anomalies and put on an “I am fine” façade just because they want people to feel they are doing alright in their marriages which is actually not meant to be. There are numerous cases of domestic violence where women are battered and then forced by their husbands to conceal their bruises and then paint a façade of what their relationship is not. Whenever you find your husband making a deviation from the normal marriage standard, then it is high time you stood up to him and correct the wrong.

Fine! Wives are meant to be submissive to their husbands as the general norm demands but in my opinion, I feel there are limits to certain things a woman should submit to. What would you call a woman who wakes up every day to serious domestic violence; numerous slaps and hits which could culminate in her brutal murder? What about the woman who gets woken up in the middle of the night by her night crawler husband and forced to make fresh vegetable soup and Semovita? Will u in this instance still preach submissiveness?  We have heard series of cases where husbands now have the useless guts to bring home their concubines and still have sexual intercourse on the matrimonial bed. The society is really turning upside down and the wives think of themselves as being on the losing end.

The truth be told, so many married women has literally termed the “for better for worse” cliché to mean them withstanding the heavy domestic violence storm in their homes. I would prefer being single to being in an abusive marriage or relationship.  I will also want us to take cognizance of the fact that being abused as I have made mention of earlier does not mean violence alone but domestic violence is a good and valid reason for breaking up with your spouse. In situations where you are being deprived of the normalcy expected in a union, you really have to speak out and talk to your partner about this. You really need to be able to stand up for yourself; that way you are serving as an example and also a guide to your daughters and sisters to be more bold and confident in themselves.

Furthermore, it is pertinent to note that being independent and being all by yourself is better off than being in relationship where all you get at the end of the day is abuse.  You should know already that as a woman, you should see yourself as a blessing because since the ancient times, women have been regarded as blessings and have been worshipped as goddesses of different powers and struggles. As they are beautiful as fairies, they are as bold as fire if things come to them. Therefore, as a woman you need all the boldness in the world. You need to be confident in your own form; you have to accept your own flaws and deal with them. Being bold simply does not mean shouting and self-defending. For me, being bold encapsulates being able to stand against anything that prevents you from being happy and fulfilled. As a woman, you need to be able to stand tall when it is about your rights to enjoy and responsibilities to be fulfilled. Yes, being bold as a woman means being able to eradicate disparities in your mental state.

Hey darling, Note that the fact that you being a woman does not mean you are less, it in fact means you are more and can put things right and therefore, you shouldn’t fear standing up tall. You are not expected to allow anyone to treat you less than they should just because you are a woman. You being a woman means you are strong and powerful and therefore do not treat yourself less, do not accept such treatment, do not open doors for inhumane treatment. You are beautiful and you deserve just the very best; do not accept less please-do not! Discover yourself and push out on your dreams. No one has the power to shadow your dreams unless you give them the power to do so. The key to your dignity and integrity lies in your hands-no man should take that from you. Do not! Please do not give them the power to treat you less than you are. You got you and you should love yourself more than any relationship. Your happiness matters. Know your self-worth baby and he will appreciate you better.

See honey, you should not fear being alone. I am not promising you an easy sail through that but damn! It’s worth it after all. Do not fear being alone and that is because there is power and strength in rediscovering yourself and knowing your value baby. As a woman, you have to always believe in yourself and never settle for less; do not stay in any abusive relationship just because of what people will say, real women are not just for the beautiful jewelry that hides them within themselves instead they are for the rifle and the guns that shoot every taboos in the society. There are diverse and numerous cases of women who have been brutally murdered by their husbands due to constant beatings; please stand up for yourself and protect your own life. You are a woman, you must be STRONG.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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